So what makes for a healthy breakup, one in which the person moves on with minimal emotional damage? In our study, some people drew much weaker connections between rejection and the self, describing rejection as an arbitrary and unpredictable force rather than the result of some personal flaw.
Yet another group of people saw the breakup as an opportunity for growth, often citing specific skills they had been able to learn from rejection. Communication was a recurrent theme: People described how a rejection had helped them understand the importance of clear expectations, how to identify differences in goals, and how to express what they wanted out of a relationship.
So separating rejection from the self tends to make breakups easier, and linking the two tends to make them more difficult. But what makes people more likely to do one or the other? Past research by Dweck and others shows that people tend to hold one of two views about their own personal qualities: that they are fixed over the life span, or that they are malleable and can be developed at any point.
These beliefs impact how people respond to setbacks. And when we asked people to reflect on their past rejections, we found a link between those who believed personality was fixed and those who believed that rejection exposed their true selves.
If someone believes that their traits are unchanging, the discovery of a negative one is akin to a life sentence with that new knowledge. This can easily make you feel bad, and make the separation seem like the most painful experience. Having physical reminders is a common mistake most people make when they end a relationship. When the memories of an ex pop up spontaneously and more frequently, you will start to reminisce on all the good and bad times you had with your ex.
Along the line, you will feel bad for ending things, which will only make you feel more hurt. The breakup pain hurts so badly especially when a person is idle. Not having work, schedules, or any form of activity, will definitely make you more aware of the pain from breakup, although you desired it to happen. This is because being idle makes you think, and allows your mind to explore. Dating is all about investing your time into someone. When everything started, you probably had high hopes that it would end beautifully, with a strong feeling that the relationship would stand the test of time.
Despite wanting things to end, there was still a point you desired it to succeed. Watching the relationship fail is what got to you the most. This is because the brain responds to social rejection in the same way it responds to the hurt we feel physically. This is what makes the process of leaving your partner hurt so much. Breakups hit guys immediately, but they consciously prevent it from breaking them down. They would rather focus on other things going on in their lives than dwelling on the fact that the association has ended.
Breakups are devastating because the area of the brain that responds to pain is also responsible for rewarding you when you accomplish something. The best way to get over the hurt of a break up is by focusing on new goals. The more preoccupied you are, the faster your road to recovery will be.
Both parties hurt equally after a separation, but this is dependent on the amount of love they had — or probably still have — for one another. Getting past that love is what makes the process painful. Remember to focus more on getting over your ex than dwelling on what has already happened.
Kindly leave a comment below and share it with friends that need to see it. Your email address will not be published. HerNorm is a community-supported website. When we are angry, there will always be another emotion underneath it. It is this way for all of us Oct 5. When A Relationship Breaks.
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The question that naturally follows this is: why is this so? How and why are men hurting more when it is they who usually seem to move on from breakups faster and more painlessly? A survey by Men's Health magazine backs up this statement. Conductors of the survey found out that going to the pub was named the best way to "get over" a split according to while one third of those polled said the jilted party would be better off if he acts unbothered by the whole thing.
Right there, is one of the reasons why men suffer - the unwillingness to face what happened and come to terms with the reality of it. This is what happens when you date a 'hard guy'. On the other hand, women are typically more comfortable finding a shoulder to cry on and letting it all out.
That kinda explains why they come to grips with reality and find the real strength to genuinely close a chapter a move on to the next quicker.
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